Document Chase

I recently had need for a certificate that was “issued” in 2012 and mysteriously got missing.  I’ve had to go to a few offices to work out a replacement which has set me on a wild goose chase in hot-as-hell Lagos. Anyone can testify that it is not the easiest process getting a document from a federal government office and I have been through it all these last couple of weeks. Personally, I try to be as non-confrontational as possible so I can get what I need and keep it pushing. However, it is not the easiest process.

The first mistake I made with going to the office on the first day was being too “dressed up”. Trust me, a lot of the officials will criticize you from top to bottom before they decide on how to answer you. I had to take up criticism and act how I acted before I could complete my final clearance in University. I wore very modest clothing, no make up and had my waist-length braids wrapped up every time I had an appointment but it wasn’t enough because at the time, I had red acrylics on. That was one thing even the security at the gate noticed. My tips for you if you’re trying to get something out of these diffucult types are:

·        Be polite. Even if the person seems like they just fought wild animals, be polite and add all necessary prefixes to their names or just address them by their preferred manner (usually Ma or Sir).

·        Don’t be glamourous. Go there as simple as possible and as modest as possible. No need for ripped jeans or a lot of make up or a lot of jewelry.

·        Greet everybody loudly and in the most exaggerated manner possible so nobody will say you didn’t greet them.

·        Use your “please” and “thank you” like you’re breathing.

·        If you’re not ready to part with more cash than expected, you better get ready.

·        Be patient with them.

·        If they are nice and helpful, try to get their number so you can build a relationship if there’s ever a “next time”.

Understand that the goal is for you to get what you need and get out. Some of these officials are just waiting for a slip up so they can keep moving your appointments to other days, which is essentially what happened to me a few times because I wasn’t in the mood for their nonsense. I've learned to get what I need and leave them to enjoy whatever faux power they may think they have in that moment.

Yes, we need a more forward thinking country but we’re not there yet so do what you gotta do to get what you need. Weigh the pros and cons of your reaction against theirs and make the choice you need to.

I’m still in the process of getting one last certificate but it’s now in the waiting period so I’m waiting it out.