There's Barely Any Time

It was never my intention to leave you alone for this long but I’m happy I can pen down my thoughts again.

Do I have thoughts? Or am I completely void of everything?

To be honest, I spend a lot of time thinking, processing and aligning things in my brain to the point where I just want to be a thoughtless and mindless zombie as often as I can or for the few days I have in the week to be that.

Personally, I’m spending more time exploring options that make me happy and live in the moment. Outings, games, new literature, people… all fun and so exciting but I’m too tired these days to even dedicate more than one day every few weeks to something fun and exciting. Very often, I feel like I don’t have the time.

This concept; time. Quite a funny concept. I keep rushing through things because I feel I’m running out of time but who made that up? Who said it’s like that? Who told me I have to get a certain number of tasks done, have goals achieved or finish something before a particular time runs out? I DID.

I’m finally figuring out what I like, what I want, how I want it and the best way to make those things available to myself. However, I realize I need to dedicate proper time to actually enjoying those things and when I unknowingly allow something fly below the radar and not get done, I get so mad and panicky when it's really not that big a deal.

Truly, I’m in awe of the young people around me who seem to have it figured out. They’re working, sorting out businesses, starting families, supporting themselves and others and they seem to be doing it with such grace, strength and right on time. I’m sure if they speak too, they’ll say they barely have time to get some things done.

I didn’t realize I was even managing my time fairly well till someone mentioned the things I had achieved without even realizing. I put together a list of things to get done before the end of this month and somehow, I managed to get about 80% done in the first two weeks without knowing it.

It’s understandable for me to feel like I’m running out of time but I’m not doing that again. I’ll do things when they should be done and I might be a little later than normal but that’s fine.

Detty December is already here and even if I'll be working through the holidays, I must make time to enjoy myself to the fullest!